i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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