i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
