And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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