Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize