i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
