I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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