The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
