i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
