Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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