When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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