Already got asked if we're dating
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
