In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
