I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
