She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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