Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
