I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
