is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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