it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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