saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
