the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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