Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
bring money and cleavage
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
