thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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