his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize