my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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