He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
