Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
