just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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