I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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