Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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