I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
