I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize