yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
