Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I AM VODKA MAN
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
