he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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