At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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