Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize