I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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