K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
