so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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