ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
