did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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