So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
