She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
