It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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