Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
