I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
