I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
