Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize