You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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