I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
