I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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