it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
