im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
