you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
