I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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