i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
