just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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