i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
