Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
