The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
