Sponge bath it is.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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