The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
