8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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