So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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