it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
