I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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