If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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