Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
