Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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