in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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