So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
