I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The air was thick with penises
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
