shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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