idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
