Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize