I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
