you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
