he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize