You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
