Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dick very happy bro
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
