What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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