I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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