I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
