Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
