I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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