i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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