census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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