Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
