There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
