what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
