I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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