His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
