I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
