so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
