"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
