think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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