I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im holly from the hills drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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