Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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