She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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