I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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