On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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