he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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