Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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